silent all these years

This time 28 years ago these two ladies were neighbors and pregnant.

They gave birth 11 days apart from each other in the winter of 1982 to these two beauties.

Consequently, there hasn't been a time in my life when Callie hasn't been a part of it. We hit a few spells of varying levels of best friendlihood in elementary school (since 5th and 6th grade seem to be when mean girls cultivate their meanness and we were often the test subjects), but we got back on track in jr. high and have have few road bumps since.

As I've gotten older and made all kinds of connections in my life, I've realized I'm one of those jerks who simply does not understand a certain kind of friendlessness because I have always had a best friend. Because I could run the 50 yards to Callie's any time I wanted. Because we were two peas in a pod at church and any church related activities. Because we could lay on her kitchen floor and listen to Tori Amos and revel in how awesome and weird we thought she was. And because I knew without ever having to think about it that we were always there for each other. So when some difficult family things happened to each of us, or when we were stalking boys at school (this is before the internet made it easy by the way), or when we were simply living the young lives that made us each who are, there she was for me and I for her.

When high school graduation came and she moved all the way to Cedar City for college we hardly skipped a beat because we were both capable of marathon e-mails and long phone conversations and Callie was a frequent weekend visitor. We did each grow more into ourselves and different from one another, but that didn't seem to matter much. We were each others' dates to high school related social events and weddings. I found that always when I ran across old friends or parents of old friends they asked me how Callie was doing and I gladly gave updates on my smart little woman at SUU. When at 21 I was leaving for Armenia, Callie was there with me to make sure I had my missionary check-list supplies and then sent me a letter every. single. week. AND organized parties to make other friends write me too. All the while she was being a really amazing person, getting perfect grades, being the president of clubs and associations, graduating college, getting a masters degree and teaching rowdy teenagers all about business. You see Callie has, and always will have, her shit together. I am far less certain about my shit but existing on opposite ends seems to work just fine for us.

The years of our actual adulthood, we see each other much less then in all the time before...but that doesn't change anything really. We always manage to pick up right where we last left off because by now our friendship is effortless; it is beyond comfortable and full of enough depth and experiences that it breaths it's own breath. And last June when Callie got married, I spent 2 days crying through the whole thing because that day was here! Because we'd giggled about boys our whole lives and here she had found hers. And he was fantastic! And she was so happy! And I was so happy! And I tried to make one of the groomsmen like me but neither of them were having any of that! But oh well...best friends marrying best friends might have been overkill.

So two weeks ago today when a great job whisked her and that husband away to Maryland to live and start a new adventure together I was excited because of all that confidence talk I've now spent an essay's worth of words describing.

But it's not entirely fine.

I feel a bit lost I guess not knowing her heart is beating somewhere in this valley or state or even this side of the country; this distance isn't a set time like mine was when I left, this feels far more permanent. And truthfully, I do feel all of those happy things because I think this opportunity is fantastic for them. I know Callie and I can dust off those marathon phone conversation skillzzz and there will be trips there and visits here of course. But I miss her still.

I guess perhaps my feelings are just telling me that pretty soon I'll also have to start a life on the East Coast...