Last night Aaron and I ate dinner at Alberto's (what's new). I was mid nacho-to-mouth when I heard my name. I looked up and there stood a Nate I once knew. A Nate I knew when I was 17; a Nate who was my first kiss.
Yes, I was totally old by the time I got into the kissing game, but that is besides the point. The point is that it was weird seeing First Kiss while eating Mexican food with Last Kiss.
After Nate walked away Aaron asked me a bit about what I was like at 17 and our conversation shifted to being young in general and fitting in. I had a good time in my teens because I was involved with school activities that interested me and I had a really great group of friends. But sometimes I kind of wondered where I fit in...which I think probably everyone felt at some point in their youth. And since I wondered what I needed to be like, I had all sorts of funny ideas about what someone I ended up with needed to be like too. He had to like the same music as me. He had to love America and literature. If he had long hair and was some sort of outdoorsy rock climber that would be dreamy.
But college and a mission and just getting older all helped me figure out me. I grew into myself. I am often TOTALLY self-conscious and play the Everyone-Else-Is-Cooler-On-The-Internet Game, but even when those insecurities sneak in, I am comfortable in my own skin. I like the things I like and the person I am. I can be hard on myself when I think about my own expectations, so while there are places like career and education that I think a younger me would be surprised/disappointed about, I also think there would be a nice deep breath that I managed to chill out and find my place (which incidentally is usually on my couch, in front of the TV).
And I think being cool with being me is why when Aaron came around and wasn't into reading and thought some of my favorite, cutest shirts looked like grandma shirts, then that was all okay. It was better than okay, because every time I thought our such different tastes and likes would get in the way of our relationship progressing...they just didn't. Whether or not Aaron likes Wilco, I still like Wilco. And whether or not I want to skateboard, Aaron still wants to skateboard. So not worrying about those differences meant I could look at the person Aaron is and fall in love with all the goodness and kindness inside him instead of looking for someone with stupid hippie hair.
For 17 year old me, First Kiss Nate was a dreamboat. But I'm glad that 28 year old me was the one picking by the time Last Kiss Aaron came around.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
Amen! I would be miserable with what my 17 year old self would have chosen.
Great food for though, Em. You always have an excellent way of putting things. It's a good thing we grow up a bit before we find the one we grow old with.
I love this! Thanks for sharing.
really beautiful ems.
yes, i second that. really beautifully put and i can see myself in what you wrote.
i hope that we can meet up sometime soon. would be great.
I always love your blog posts. Every time you write something like this I think,"Yeah, I feel the same way." My husband often says that we don't have anything in common, yet, we mesh super well together and our differences is what we love about each other. I wouldn't want someone that liked all the same things I did because if that were the case, I'd never learn new things that are out of my comfort zone. Who knew fishing could be so fun? :)
I didnt have my first kiss until 18, so there. And I thought he was so dreamy. He even married a Sarah who's a photographer (over me, I think not :)). And they go to Sarah Palin rallies together with their 4 children.
So while Joel hates my favorite color choices of turquoise and purple (old lady colors) and he cant stand Stars and other music I adore, he is perfect for me. And has a healthy disdain for Sarah Palin. But he loves me, and Wilco, thank goodness.
So sweet!
my 17 year old self just did kick flips over flowerbeds alone....I don't think any flowerbeds would be coming into alberto's making me be introspective..
I love that post. Jason and I are complete opposites too and it reminded me why that's so great.
Hear, hear.
Post a Comment