chasing cars

Nephews came to town last night. I was chasing them around after dinner and when I sat down to catch my breath Aaron said to me, "You're so happy right now, aren't you?"

How could I not be?

i follow rivers

We saw Cowboys and Aliens over the weekend (fart noise), and before it there was a preview for Battleship:

Normally this is exactly the kind of movie I would avoid, but my strict dedication to always see everything the cast from Friday Night Lights does from now on means I will be there opening night!

I love Texas Forever Riggins so much, but I think I can definitely dig Naval Officer Riggins too.

scared

Some things...

I mentioned previously that Aaron is still in New York for the rest of the week. And get ready to vomit, but I realized we haven't been apart longer than 3 days since December of 2008 and today I really feel it. I'm used to depending on him and looking forward to seeing his perfect face at the end of the day and having him fall asleep next to me. I miss him.

But then...I've remembered how much I like myself alone. I enjoyed single me so much and waking up in my bed alone and making plans alone reminds me of her and I like for just one week remembering that her me.

New York and it's life stirred up something inside me that had gotten too sleepy and comfortable and I'm thankful for the inspiration.

The last few evening have been full of thought and meaningful conversations (and The Bachelorette) with women friends I love...I'm lucky to be surrounded by so many smarts and careers, and creatives and pregnants and wives and PhDs and moms; all as inspiring as that city that never sleeps.

I know some hearts that have recently been broken/are breaking. Talking about it the other night I realized it's been a long while now since the last time mine was and I had to work to remember the feeling. But then a Facebook thread yesterday brought this song to my mind and I could immediately remember the feeling.

I know marrieds are sometimes frustrating to singles cus you just forget. You forget the places you aren't anymore. You don't mean to, but everybody does it...grown ups and teens, depresseds and happys, richies and poories, believers and other belief believers. But somebody is always in the places you aren't. So I'll think more about the places I'm not.

new york groove

I'm back. And I adored New York.

We saw awesome stuff, we walked amazing places, we caught up with dear friends, we bought junk, we ate pizza everyday (everyday!), and I saw an old crazy dude's balls on my last day...a complete New York experience!

Aaron is still there the rest of the week and he has our good camera, but until then...point and shoot highlights.

Early morning Time Square,

Magnolia Bakery with recent New Yorker, but old friend Dave,

and my favorite Monet in real life (while waiting for the Alexander McQueen Exhibit which was amazing).

I made a stop at Purl Soho, the cutest place that exists in real life and the internet,

ate Joe's Pizza with my favorite Dallas,

and hung out with the always delightful Di and Ben.

It was wonderful, and Aaron and I decided we would move there in a heartbeat...as long as we could live in an air-conditioned hotel with an amazing king sized bed. Easy, right?

New York, New York

I'm always so embarrassed to say that I'm 29 and have never been to New York. But tonight that changes! Aaron and I are going to get matching 'I Love NY' t-shirts and fanny packs and sturdy white walking tennis shoes and see everything.

And guys, I'm gonna eat so much pizza.

pumped up kicks

Our 4th of July weekend was awesome. I pulled together 2 separate 4th of July outfits for two separate events, which feels like quite an accomplishment (I'm proud of myself for finishing seasons of TV shows on DVD too, so there is my accomplishment standard). I didn't get to see what Tasha wore this year, but from her previous years (here and here) she has forever inspired patriotic attire.

This song also contributes to the weekend's greatness. I caught it a few times here and there on the radio on the spring and heard this story on NPR. Corey had the whole album when we ran Wasatch Back Relay and since it's one Aaron and I both like, as well as everyone else in the country, this song got lots of play last weekend.

the warming sun

I know Father's Day was nearly two weeks ago, but I was trying to find this picture to post because it is like, my favorite ever.

I remember as a small person evenings spent tag team reading through a dozen Roald Dahl books with my dad while I walked on his back. And the thrill that came when he pulled out his guitar, plugged into his amp and played along with songs on the radio. And my favorite memory from being really little...curling up on his lap with my head on his chest to feel in my ear his low, even voice as he spoke with other adults.

My dad was a great dad with little kids. He was patient, he treated us like our thoughts and opinions mattered and I know that for me, he made me feel like I could do anything. I knew my dad was very smart and not a very expressive man so when he vocally thought something I drew was good or something I wrote was good or something I thought was good...I believed him; because I knew he was proud of me. I have wonderful memories of being a kid and now looking back, I know both my parents did an amazing job teaching us from childhood on that while the world isn't full of fair, if we use our brains and are thoughtful, we'll be able to navigate well and I hope so much I can be that kind of parent someday too.

But older kids were a little bit more tricky for my dad. Partly because he has no patience for smart-assery (and Clifford teenagers were all smart-asses to some degree). But partly because by the time my younger brothers and I trickled into teenhood, various problems were weighing on my family. From my perspective, it seems that years of financial insecurity were feeling heavier to everyone and particularly to my parents' marriage. When I was 14 the genetic kidney disease that runs in my dad's family started to work away at his kidneys and the slow deterioration seemed to affect my dad in more ways than just physically. He seemed unreasonable and tired of people. It was easy to fight with him and we all did. His kidneys failed completely a few years later and there was a time of dialysis 3 days a week until a kidney transplant my senior year of high school. His health got better, but I was mad at my dad all the time and my brothers were mad at my dad all the time and everyone was enough mad all the time that when I was 19 things were messy and my parents got divorced.

And while divorce is a sucky thing, when it happens, it can be the best thing for a family and it was for mine. For a while I didn't make any effort to see my dad, I only would when it involved Elizabeth, who was young enough still to be shuffled back and forth between parents.

But my dad made an effort. He showed up to things and called just to check in. He apologized but didn't force or expect an acceptance which seemed to give the breathing room necessary to heal our relationship as well as fractured relationships with my siblings too. He gave what he could and left the rest up to us.

I'm always impressed when I think about that now since things are so different from where they once were. Because for years my dad and Elizabeth and I (and Aaron now too), go to breakfast together every Saturday for hours on end. Because every now and then I've called or shown up unannounced, overwhelmed and on the verge of tears and his low, even voice manages to comfort me like it did when I was little. And because in the temple on my wedding day my not very emotional dad cried like a baby and hugged me tight...and having known the bitter, it made that sweet all the more special and amazing to me.

My dad is human and I know my dad is flawed, but my dad is my dad and I'm grateful on Father's Days and all the other days too that he's around and in my life.